In memory of Allen Ginsberg

When I grow up I want to be an astronaut a doctor a top model a superstar
When I grow up I want to have a big house with a swimming pool and a Jacuzzi
& I want to have 3 cars & travel all around the world
& I want to have 5 children & a great job & everybody will love me
& I want to be the President so I can change the world.

Now I have to work hard to make ends meet
& I don’t have time & my boss annoys me
& the government I voted for is incompetent & corrupt
& I have to pay the rent & do therapy & wonder if my son is doing drugs.

When I grow old I want to relax & enjoy my free time & read all the books I couldn’t before
& travel a lot & tell stories to my grandchildren.

Now I feel tired & my medicine cabinet is bigger than my suitcase
& I’m not afraid of dying but I’m afraid of bills
& winter is so cold & I can’t hear well & cholesterol is my nightmare
& my heart worries my doctor & I can’t remember where I’ve left my keys
& my old friends are all dead & my granddaughter & her new girlfriend come to visit me at Christmas
& I don’t want to be left alone.

When I die I want to have a beautiful funeral & be mourned & remembered
& make peace with God.

Now I just want it here & nothing else.